Small House with Kids: Shame Inducing Comparisons

Okay…I’m doing it again.

We have friends coming over for dinner and I am falling into that pit of shame about the house.

It is completely irrational, but also completely normal.

My friend has been here before, seen how we are making the best out of a tight space.  Yet, her husband hasn’t been here.  So I went into panic mode.

They have a gorgeous house!  Huge, light, and airy.  Perfect for hosting parties and enough room for everyone to have their own space.  Their financial situation was much different than ours when they purchased it, and unlike us, the financial mess hasn’t hampered their plans (as far as I know).

So, I look around our place…small spaces, tons of stuff everywhere, and a kitchen that needs updating.

I will throw stuff in bags, hide a few things in our bedroom, vacuum and wipe the counters…but in the end nothing can transform our place into anything approximate to theirs.

Yet, I know they don’t like us because of our house.  Truthfully, they could care less.  This shame inducing comparison is all on me.

So interesting how I can feel great about my house, accept the constant mess created by Legos and doll dresses, and understand that my life is really crazy right now…and still feel horrible about it’s size, lack of “magazine ready” spaces, and dreams put on hold due to circumstances outside of our control.


No matter how much I work to move forward in decreasing self-judgement, it still comes back…

…so today I am challenging myself to not worry about it.  I’m going to do what I can to get things manageable for two adults and two active kids to join us, but I am not going to go nuts no matter how much my body is telling me to freak out.

I’m going to enjoy the evening, be thankful for all we have, and give the rest up to God.

It is not going to be easy…as my reserves are growing thin…but with a glass of wine in hand and the kids covering the just-cleaned family room with toys, I’ll make it work.

Good Food, Good Wine, Good Talk

Postscript:  We all had a great evening, our friends were perfect guests…and with good food, good wine, good conversation, and the kids enjoying time together, there was really to nothing to worry about.  But, it is understandable that I did worry…so no judgement there.

About SFriant

I live to walk with others on their journeys - because everyone needs to know that they are loved, that they matter, and that they are doing amazing things. I'm a lot like our two kids: obsessed with learning, and constantly creating.
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6 Responses to Small House with Kids: Shame Inducing Comparisons

  1. Hey thanks for the shout out. I am glad your evening went well!

  2. Damon says:

    Big houses are fronts for insecurities. I don’t know who your friends are, but I’m sure they absolutely loved your house and it was less about the house and more about getting together with friends. The day you have the house you “think” you want, you’ll realize you feel the exact same way. Funny how that works.

  3. jdickerman says:

    Thanks for including me in your related blogs!

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