Driving away from my son’s preschool, I suddenly realized how depleted I was.
My husband was on a work trip – again. Our toddler daughter had not really slept the night before. My to-do lists for my mother’s group, work, retreat planning, and figuring out next steps in my life, have pushed housework and other things to the side.
Then, as I came away from the parent-teacher conference, I realized just how much I have been doing.
My son is wonderful, but a challenge (don’t we all say that?). While not on the spectrum, he gets so focused on things that it is as if just being in the room all the energy is sucked towards him.
We’ve been seeing the effects of this on our toddler daughter who has fully embraced the “2’s”. While we keep doing our best to give her independence and control over her world, there isn’t much we can do about the limitations her brother places on it.
They are just so different.
The teacher said we are doing a great job and that he is improving, but his intense focus continues to be an issue.
I don’t know what I would do with a child who has even more unique quirks. Yet, really, I know I am not alone as they all have quirks!
However, some seem more draining on the parents than others.
And in the midst of this, I’m trying to write and expand my ministry. I’m trying to follow where I feel God is leading me.
And then here is the reminder that I still am needed “at home”. I am needed by my children to be their mother. I can balance other things, but right now, one of my purposes is to parent. After the parent-teacher conference, I don’t see things changing for a few years – if ever.
Yet, to find and maintain my sanity I need to balance parenting with my other passions, callings. I need to write. I need to be active in spiritual ministry.
I can’t be a good parent without being involved in these other sides of me.
I can only find sanity in the midst of parenting if I am feeding my body and soul.
Feeling depleted is my soul’s signal that I need to re-balance. I need to take stock of the now and be mindful of what is going on.
While I know I am on-track, I also need to take time to listen to God and assess if I am truly embracing my purposes. I need to take the time to confirm and know where I am is where I am supposed to be.
And where I am supposed to be is new territory, as God is always doing new and creative things in our lives.
In the car I felt the need to find someone to talk to, even if I don’t have the time. To reach out and process. A few years ago I would not have been able to do so, but now, just knowing there are many people who I could call up for coffee makes my spirit calmer and joyful.
How did God respond to my silent prayer?
I’m not sure where you are in your journey. Have you found balance? Or are you in a daily struggle to retain, or regain, your sanity. I pray that you can find your way…and I know you will.
Gracious God, we struggle. Our lives are complicated and we are called to so many different things. Lord, help us find our purpose, find balance in our lives, and most importantly, know that we are truly loved. Help us accept that life is complicated and struggles can be long-term, but we can find our sanity. Amen.
In the Twin Cities Metro area? Don’t miss: Finding Purpose and Balance Spiritual Retreat on May 4th.