Lord, I never got to hold it.
I don’t even know if it was a she or he.
Did I have a daughter or a son?
Would she have danced around the room in a pink frilly skirt?
Or would he have moved loads of mud in tiny dump trucks?
But, I can’t think of that,
Or I will shatter.
I have shattered.
My mind and heart are so confused,
My body is in revolt,
not sure what to do.
One moment is was harboring a living being.
now it is empty.
I loved, love, that child.
You gave me this precious gift,
but it was taken away.
Taken away by fate,
by a tiny quirk in the biological process.
My child is gone.
Gone from me,
but into your hands.
Lord, I am so jealous!
Why do you get to gaze at my angel,
and not I?
Why do you get to know my baby, being blessed by its spirit,
and not I?
I want my baby back.
But I can’t.
I know I can’t.
My angel, our angel, is in your arms.
Please protect our baby.
Please protect this beautiful soul.
I know it was never fully mine,
but fully yours.
But for a short time, it was.
And in that short time, I came to know love.
Lord, tell my baby about me, about us.
Lord, tell my baby I will forever love it.
Lord, tell my baby that one day,
I will encircle my angel with my arms.
My prayers are with all of those who have lost a child, I can not imagine what you have gone through. All your stories are unique and all your children are children of God. I pray that you can find the support you need. For anyone who knows someone going through it now, please call 11 Angels or find another resource in your area.