A Prayer: For Mothers of Miscarried Angels

Lord, I never got to hold it.

“It.”
I don’t even know if it was a she or he.
Did I have a daughter or a son?
Would she have danced around the room in a pink frilly skirt?
Or would he have moved loads of mud in tiny dump trucks?

But, I can’t think of that,
Or I will shatter.
I have shattered.

My mind and heart are so confused,
in pain.
My body is in revolt,
not sure what to do.
One moment is was harboring a living being.
Now,
now it is empty.

I loved, love, that child.
My child.
Our child.
Your child.

You gave me this precious gift,
but it was taken away.
Taken away by fate,
by plan,
by a tiny quirk in the biological process.

My child is gone.
Gone from me,
but into your hands.

Lord, I am so jealous!
Why do you get to gaze at my angel,
and not I?
Why do you get to know my baby, being blessed by its spirit,
and not I?

I want my baby back.
But I can’t.
I know I can’t.
My angel, our angel, is in your arms.

Please protect our baby.
Please protect this beautiful soul.

I know it was never fully mine,
but fully yours.
But for a short time, it was.
And in that short time, I came to know love.

Lord, tell my baby about me, about us.
Lord, tell my baby I will forever love it.
Lord, tell my baby that one day,
I will encircle my angel with my arms.

Amen.

My prayers are with all of those who have lost a child, I can not imagine what you have gone through.  All your stories are unique and all your children are children of God.  I pray that you can find the support you need.  For anyone who knows someone going through it now, please call 11 Angels or find another resource in your area.

 

About SFriant

I live to walk with others on their journeys - because everyone needs to know that they are loved, that they matter, and that they are doing amazing things. I'm a lot like our two kids: obsessed with learning, and constantly creating.
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