Depression – Twisted Cells

The cells merged and danced,
Split and moved.
Created bone and meat,
Blood and soul.

God shifted his hand
Stirring the primordial atoms
In a dark and hidden womb.
Did He smile? Say it was Good?

The devil saw too, knew too.
And laughed as just one,
Maybe two of the tiniest cells,
Settled slightly out of place.

The child born,
Screaming, grasping,
Knowing it was wrong,
Asking why.

The perfect cells, a bit lost.
Off-setting electric currents.
Twisting thoughts and views.
Changing the entire course of life.

The defenseless cells, multiplied,
Creating a monster of shadow.
Teeth and claws and separate will.
Thinly disguised from view.

The child/adult asking why:
It is called perfect, yet still flawed.
Causes evil, yet still loved.
Can cage the monster, but never silence it.

The created wonders how/why
if the Plan is to be this damaged
with destruction in it’s waves,
was it allowed to Breathe?

Created in the Image of God,
The great “I Am” distorted
into a lost sheep,
running from the demons inside.

Somehow, stopped.
Stopped from falling too far
By the great Hand to big to see,
And gentle enough to hold a mess of tiny cells.

Questions, for now, unanswered.
A monster sometimes coming out to dance.
A life, a family, a world forever changed.
A Hand, more than enough.

———
I wrote this during a particular few days in my life, the beginning of a new stage, in which I really began to look at my depression differently.  While I will never know if I was “born this way” or if my depression was my way of coping with life, it now is part of me.

When I wrote this, this is exactly how and what I was thinking.  It is still valid today, but writing this helped me begin to move past the idea of being “damaged” and into a life that fully embraces being loved by God.

May you or someone you know find it helpful…as there is an amazing world out there – just beyond the reach of a few messed up cells or a hidden monster that takes over at times.

Selected biblical references/images (all from Common English Bible translation):
Lines 1 to 8 – Genesis 1:1a, 27, 31
Lines 9 to 10 – Job 1:6-12
Line 29 to 32 – Jeremiah 29:11
Line 33 – Genesis 1:27
Line 34 – Exodus 3:14
Line 35 – Jeremiah 50:6, Ezekiel 34:16, Luke 15:3-7
Lines 36 to 39 – Mark 5:1-20
Line 39 to 40 – Deuteronomy 3:24, Psalm 31:5

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About SFriant

A mom and wife trying to live deliberately and spiritually in a crazy world.
This entry was posted in Prayer, Spiritual Practice, Spirituality - Spiritual Journey, Theology, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Depression – Twisted Cells

  1. Pingback: Does God Really have a Plan for Me? | Sisters Under the Trees

  2. Pingback: Mental Health, Depression, Anxiety and Spirituality | Sisters Under the Trees

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